Translation - Language - Culture

Transilators in Canada

Yes, you read that right: transilator.

This is taken from a Google search that led to this site:

can i be self employed as transilator in canada?

Well, dear Google user in the City of London, the answer to this question is quite simple, given your language skills: No, never, not a chance, not on your life!

Humanity really is becoming more stupid

Wanted proof that more and more people are being struck down by the big disease called incompetence? Here it is:

Council workers in Swansea erected a road sign informing motorists in Welsh: "I am out of the office at the moment".

Swansea council staff were designing a bilingual road sign barring heavy goods vehicles from a street in the city and had consulted an in-house translation service.

As the translator was not available, an automatatic e-mail response was triggered in Welsh which read: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

Staff mistakenly thought that it was the correct translation and had it printed on the sign beneath the message in English, which read: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only".

The council has taken down the sign at the junction of Clase Road and Pant-y-Blawd Road after Welsh speakers spotted the mistake.

Golwg, a Welsh-language magazine, printed photographs of the sign after being alerted by readers.

Dylan Iorwerth, the managing editor, said: "We have been running pictures of this kind over the past few months.

"It's good that people want to have bilingual signs but, unfortunately, they don't make sure someone with a real knowledge of Welsh checks the work through all the different stages."

Expensive taxi ride

¡Ay, caramba!

A Spanish couple's language difficulties cost them several thousand euros after they mispronounced their destination giving instructions to a Norwegian taxi driver. The couple, who were touring Norway's fjords, wanted to travel to Olden on the country's west coast.

Instead their taxi took them to Halden, hundreds of kilometres (miles) away, a trip that cost them 3,870 euros (5,773 dollars). The pair in their 50s were on a cruise of the fjords when they had to be briefly hospitalised while on a stopover in Stavanger, tabloid Verdens Gang (VG) reported on Thursday.

Once out of hospital the two decided to rejoin the ship in Olden. But their taxi driver misunderstood and took them to Halden, 560 kilometres (348 miles) east of Stavanger. Oblivious to the mistake, the happy holidaymakers paid the 15,000 kroner taxi bill (1,875 euros, 2,793 dollars) and added a generous 1,000 kroner tip to boot.

But after spending the night in a hotel, they discovered there was no cruiseship in the Halden port. A quick call to an interpreter and the confusion was discovered, according to VG. The couple jumped back in a taxi, this time headed for Olden, 610 kilometres away -- and paying another 15,300 kroner.

The couple spent more than 31,000 kroner on their misadventure, or the price of a 10-day cruise in the fjords for two people in a luxury suite.

New element discovered

A new element has been discovered that finally sheds some light on the inner workings of government:

The August 2000 fire at the Los Alamos Laboratory had one significant consequence. A secret scientific document, discovered in a bunker whose security systems were mostly destroyed by the fire, was leaked to the public last weekend. Actually it reveals nothing that we didn't already suspect. But it does show that the government has known all along that, besides arsenic, lead, mercury, radon, strontium and plutonium, one more extremely deadly and pervasive element also exists. This startling new discovery -- the heaviest element now known to science -- has been tentatively named GOVERNMENTIUM (Gv).

Conspiracy theorists speculate that Governmentium has been in existence since the time of the Manhattan Project or even the Philadelphia Experiment, and kept top-secret by the CIA. Perhaps its existence accounts for the explosive growth of bureaucracy over the last half-century. This astonishing element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 35 deputy neutrons, 80 vice neutrons, 145 supervisory neutrons, 165 team leader neutrons and 225 consulting neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 666.

These 666 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "MORONS", themselves surrounded by vast and undeterminable quantities of lepton-like particles called PEONS. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is INERT. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a miniscule amount of Governmentium causes a reaction which would normally take less than a second over four days to complete. Unlike all other known elements, Governmentium does not decay measured according to its half-life, but instead undergoes continuous reorganization in which assistant neutrons, deputy neutrons and vice neutrons exchange places, causing a sample mass of Governmentium to actually INCREASE over time since with each reorganization some of the PEONS inevitably become MORONS, and, finally, neutrons, thereby forming entirely new isotopes. This characteristic of PEON-MORON promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever MORONS anywhere reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "CRITICAL MORASS."

Governmentium has been found to concentrate in certain key locations such as governments, large corporations, and especially in universities. It can usually be found polluting the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists warn that Governmentium is known to be toxic and recommend plenty of alcoholic fluids followed by bed rest after even low levels of exposure.